New Hope

I love Spring.  The smells in the air change from dead leaves, which have their own appeal, to my rose bushes blooming.  With winter finally leaving, although honestly, this winter really should not be called winter.  Let's call it spring-lite.  With SL finally gone and spring here, there is time for renewal.

Lately, 2 am arrives and I am again staring at the darkness outside.  Praying for miracles.  Praying for solace.  Praying for redemption.  But, 2 am rarely brings me much relief.

But, this morning I realized that maybe, just maybe, my prayers have been answered.  Nothing has changed, except me.  And maybe, that is what was needed.  What was necessary.  There is so much darkness and so much pain, but it is peppered with a new realization.  A new hope.  So, maybe my prayer for solace is just this.  Hope. 

Redemption.  Well, that is another story.  One left inside for a little longer.  Everyone always said that my big mouth would get me into trouble.  It most certainly has on many occasions.  But this time, it seems to have seeped into places and to have been discussed by many.  In fact, my words have been passed around the masses.  And, that has made me sad.  Sadder than I thought was possible.  Because, now it seems that standing up for others and standing up for injustice sometimes simply doesn't matter.  That is why I am sad.  Not that my mouth got me in trouble, but rather that my words of worry, of pain, of concern, were twisted and made into fodder for other people's agendas.  That is what saddens me.  People don't matter. Hurting others to make someone else look better does.  So, while I wish and I hope to be accepted.  I think I would rather stand out and be ostracized.  I think in the long run, I am better off.

Now, do not mistake my words for pettiness or even mean spirited!  No, my agenda here is not to point fingers, but rather to point at myself.  To see the world half full in a half empty society is hard and I am doing the best I can.  My best. Simply my best.  By using my words.  If nothing else, I am going to be honest with myself and I can be hated for that.  I honestly don't have the energy to care anymore.

So, while my words are cayenne pepper tinged right now, and I try so hard to keep my world sugar lined...I am simply not there yet.  Not just yet.

So, I guess today I am going to listen to the Beatles and just LET IT BE.  For today, that is enough.