Challenges, Control and Letting Go

When I started my journey of self discovery, I knew that certain parts were going to hurt.  Looking inward can sometimes be scary.  Sometimes, downright terrifying.  But, if we don't try to see past the pain and unhealthy attachments that we have made, we become dependent.

Dependent on not just the emotional aspect, but also the physical attachment.  That NEED for it.  Food, Booze, Love, Acceptance... you get the picture.  The vices that chain people to the post of uncertainty and fear.

I am slowly discovering that what I thought was my greatest vice, food, is actually deeper than that.  Control is my demon. Her bitchy twin Acceptance is not far behind. 

I try so hard to control all things around me, and since I cannot do that, I try to control myself. 

Epic fail.  Seriously. 

I no more have control of the tides in the ocean than I do to controlling myself and the things that circle around and peck away at me.

What I CAN control is how I deal with these things.  How I cope with the situation is just as important to my well being as how I perceive it.

Because that is where I am.  Coping and finding JOY and acceptance of ME.   Joy in THAT discovery.

I AM ENOUGH.   

I will never be perfect, but I will be perfectly me.  And, that is enough. Truly enough. :)

I cannot change my past, but I can accept that through it, I am me.  I LIKE me, big ass mouth and all. 

So, no more debbie downer.  Life in all it's fragility, is terribly precious.  I got myself so turned around, that I forgot.  I stopped living for awhile.

So, now I have to start living again.  For me.  Only me.

And the whispers.................................. Well, a lady really should watch her mouth. :)